


True Nature

by zelda_addict



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Reality - Mutated Humans, Bestiality, Bottom Jensen, Breeding, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Happy Ending, Flashbacks, Gang Rape, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mpreg, Nightmares, Oblivious Jensen, Panic Attacks, Rape Recovery, Restriction of Autonomy, Slow Build, Top Jared, Trauma, mention of suicide, non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-27
Updated: 2016-07-05
Packaged: 2018-04-23 17:08:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4884913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zelda_addict/pseuds/zelda_addict
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another (initially partial) claim from spn_masquerade, Round 3.</p>
<p>Original Prompt:<br/>"Some people are born with canine DNA. In the pas many of them fell into depression and even committed suicide trying to live their life as humans. </p>
<p>Nowadays there are laws for the canids protection, demanding them to be treated as the pets they are, instead of forcing them to pretend they're human.</p>
<p>Most people want what is best for their children, but some are so ashamed of their children's true nature that they ignore their different needs.</p>
<p>Jensen's parents refused to register him as a canid and would punish him if he showed any canine behavior. They were even more embarrassed when they realized he was a bitch. They pretended he was allergic to dogs and made sure he became terrified of dogs.</p>
<p>They weren't found out until Jensen went to college and a random dna test showed him for the canid he was."<br/>(cont. in Notes)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nature Revealed

**Author's Note:**

> "Jensen was taken into custody and sent to a canid behavior clinic to get over the trauma his parents put him through. Only one of the caretakers there forced him to be bred by some large dogs in an attempt to get rid of Jensen's fear of dogs. Traumatizing him even more.
> 
> JDM takes Jensen home with him, hoping that a more domestic situation would be more better for Jensen's state of mind. Steadily adjusting him to life as a pet. Before introducing him to a canid stud, aka Jared. 
> 
> Happy ending with Jensen birthing his first litter.
> 
> Bottom Jensen only"
> 
> WARNING: This is _dark_ and probably disturbing and triggering at the beginning. All I can promise is that things eventually look up. If you are at all concerned this might be bad for you to read, DON'T DO IT.
> 
> Also, please let me know if I have forgotten any tags I should have on this. I think I hit all the main ones, but I would be happy to add more.

The Ackles were a power couple, movers and shakers, people of influence from old money. They never thought they would have the time to make a baby, but apparently they had. They took it simply as a matter of course, began planning to hire on a full-time nanny and looking at boarding schools. A trophy child would in no way slow them down.

A wrench was thrown in the works when the baby came early, or at least they thought he was early. Canid pregnancies were only six months long.

Mrs. Ackles glowered at her midwife from where she lay sweaty and exhausted. “Check again!” she seethed. “There are no Canids in my family and certainly not in my husband’s. You _must_ be wrong.”

“He has to be,” the woman tried to explain gently, cradling the newborn that his mother refused to touch. “He couldn’t survive on his own this early if he wasn’t. Besides, there’s a random mutation for Canids--that’s how it all started after all. It’s rare, but-”

“ _No!_ ” Mrs. Ackles all but roared as her husband entered the room, freshly back from a business meeting that couldn’t be interrupted for something so trivial as the birth of a child.

The baby wailed at the racket, and Mr. Ackles raised both brows in surprise. “It’s alive? Isn’t it far too early?”

“I’ve been trying to tell your wife, your son is a Canid-”

“That’s absurd,” Mr. Ackles cut her off. He retrieved a check book from an inside pocket of his suit jacket. “We were simply wrong about the date of conception. The child is just small.”

“What?” The midwife was genuinely confused. She’d been brought in by the family shortly after the pregnancy was confirmed by a private doctor, and she had clearly heard a medical professional provide a due date several months from the current one.

“Here,” Ackles said absently, handing over a check, “for your services and your discretion.”

Her eyes widened at the figure. “Surely you’re not just going to ignore this? The psychological implications-”

“This family has a reputation for being Canid-free.” That was an understatement. The Ackles were extremely anti-Canid, if anything. “No child of mine is a dog.”

The midwife reluctantly handed off the boy to his father. She didn’t bother to argue that Canids weren’t mere dogs. She was handing the boy over to a life likely full of misery and deliberate neglect, but the Ackles family had the power to ruin her if she tried to make a fuss.

For years, society had tried to treat the Canids like everyone else, but they weren’t. They had all the mental faculties of a normal person, but they had a far more canine nature. Given the choice, they preferred very little or no clothing, they were extremely tactile, and they were incredibly indecisive, prone to yielding to the direction of anyone they deemed a superior. 

They were also very strong and hardy, so there had been an underground sex and no-holds-barred fighting trade that went on in the shadows to this day. In the general populace, however, they were treated almost like pets. They were given only limited responsibilities. Though a few worked in security or body-guarding, most were unemployed. 

Stress was very bad for them. A few had been known to snap under pressure, viciously attacking those around them. The majority drew in on themselves and fell into deep depression. Suicide rates among Canids were fifty times higher than the general population by the time legislation was written limiting work hours and legal rights.

Now, Canids were required to have a legal guardian to watch out for their interests, and facilities existed all over the country for the rehabilitation of abused and overwrought Canids. By general consensus, it was deemed that Canids should embrace their more canine nature because they were happier that way.

The guardians were also necessary for purposes of population control. Canid alpha males were extremely virile, and the shortened gestation and propensity for multiple births in females and a few rare males also capable of carrying young coupled with that meant that, left to their own devices, a single breeding pair could produce hundreds of offspring in a lifetime.

There was a small portion of the population, the Ackles included, that felt it was idiotic to “coddle” the Canids. If they were more animal than human, they should be treated that way, not given special consideration for their “fragile mental states,” and if they were human enough to have rights, they should have to earn them like everyone else. Ironically, most of the people in this faction had done little to nothing to earn their own benefits.

“This is wrong,” she couldn’t help from saying as she closed the door behind her.

“Nonsense,” Mr. Ackles scoffed. “If you have enough money you can afford to be always right.”

###

“Jensen!” the nanny snapped. “Get over here and put your clothes back on this instant! What if someone sees?”

Young Jensen, only three years old, looked up from where he had been happily rolling around in the yard, naked.

“Don’ like clothes,” he whined.

“I mean it!” the woman snarled. “What a horrible little boy you are!”

Jensen’s lower lip wobbled and his eyes filled with tears. “Sorry...” He tried to hug the woman, wanted to nuzzle his face into her side, seeking physical comfort he never got from anyone but craved all the time. She pushed him away.

“You’re filthy! I guess I have to give you your bath early again.”

###

Ten-year-old Jensen stood nervously at the top of the grand staircase, looking down at the room full of wealthy people, very few of whom had any children, let alone brought them along to his parents’ party.

“Jensen, what _are_ you doing?” His winced at his mother’s cross tone, and let the end of his tie fall from his mouth, where he had been chewing on it. For some reason it soothed him to chew on things.

“Sorry, mother. Do I have to go down?”

“You must make an appearance,” she ordered coolly, “or people will talk.”

Jensen had to do a lot of things because “people would talk” if he didn’t. His parents kept him isolated as much as possible because he was “strange” and they didn’t want him to upset anyone, but they couldn’t be ashamed of him in public--that simply wouldn’t do.

He was home-schooled and had no friends. His parents strictly monitored all media to which he was allowed access, and he was fairly certain “no” and “don’t” were the most common words in his parents’ vocabulary, not that he saw them more than once or twice a week. They were very busy.

He dutifully went down the stairs and stood quietly while strangers remarked about how much he’d grown since that last time they saw him until his father nodded at him in a signal that he should return upstairs.

Feeling lonely and unwanted, the boy stripped off all his clothes and pulled the soft blanket off his bed and made a nest with it in the corner. He would be scolded for it later, but he felt safer this way than in the bed in the scratchy pajamas his nanny had purchased for him.

He wondered if all children felt like their lives were all wrong. He felt like he had been stuffed into his life, like the house staff had stuffed him into his suit this evening. He was unhappy, and he didn’t know why. After all, everyone was always telling him how lucky and privileged he was to come from such a rich and well-known family.

###

It was Jensen’s thirteenth birthday, and he had received no gifts other than being allowed to eat supper with both his parents at the same time. 

They had selected the menu, and none of the items were anything Jensen particularly liked, but he knew better than to complain. Normally he would have just eaten it anyway, but he picked at his plate. 

He wasn’t feeling well. His stomach had been cramping since late the previous night, and he was fairly certain he had a fever. He was sweating profusely under yet another hated suit, and his bottom felt funny. He shifted in his seat.

“Stop fidgeting,” his father told him sternly. “You’re almost a man now, and you must carry yourself with dignity.”

“Sorry, sir,” Jensen apologized automatically. “I think I may be unwell.”

“Surely you can make it through the meal?” his mother asked disdainfully. 

“I’ll try.”

It was while they were waiting for the dessert to be served that Jensen first felt a warm rush of something in his pants. At first, he thought he might have wet himself, but the seat of his pants didn’t stick to him, it slid along his skin like whatever is was was slippery. He gasped, and it only drew more frowns from his parents. Normally, he would hold his tongue, but he was afraid something was very wrong.

“I-I think there’s something wrong with my, um, my...”

“Spit it out,” his mother snapped, rolling her eyes.

“My bottom?” He blushed. There really was no polite way to talk about this. “I think there’s something coming out of it?”

“You _soiled_ yourself?” his father asked in disgust. “At the dining table?”

“It’s not that!” Jensen hurried to deny. “It feels...slimy.”

He parents exchanged a significant glance, and Jensen was certain of two things: his parents knew exactly what was wrong, and they were not going to tell him.

“Jensen,” his mother said, voice carefully calm, “go up to your room. We will have the family physician come to...assess you.”

“What’s wrong with me?” He was begging, but he really wanted to know.

“It’s a... _condition_ you were born with,” his father offered with no further explanation. “Now, listen to your mother.”

###

“So,” Jensen’s mother sneered and tossed back a shot of whiskey, “not only is our child one of _them_ , he’s a _whelper!_ Thank God we’ve told him he’s allergic to dogs so we won’t have to deal with anything unseemly. Maybe we should sell him to a puppy-mill and be done with it!”

They were in Mr. Ackles' study. The patriarch had just tossed the medical testing results from their private doctor in the fire.

“It’s too late for that.” He poured them both more of the strong liquor. “People will notice if he suddenly goes missing.”

“Well, what do you propose we do? If word gets out, we’re ruined!”

“We’ll do what we’ve always done.” Mr. Ackles gazed into the flames. “We limit his exposure to the outside world as much as we can and deny any allegations.”

“We can’t keep him locked in his room forever.”

“No, but perhaps we can keep him there just long enough...”

###

Jensen took a deep breath and looked around at the private dorm room. It was much smaller than his room at home, but he was _free_.

He couldn’t believe his parents were letting him go away for college! It was like a dream come true. 

His parents were both alumni and had arranged for him to live alone when most others had to share quarters. He wasn’t sure whether he minded. On one hand, Jensen had become painfully shy over years of forced isolation, but now he could finally try to make a friend. 

The next few weeks flew by in a blur of classes and more strange faces than Jensen had ever seen before. He was still too shy to speak to anybody unless it was absolutely necessary, but then someone spoke to him.

There was a girl handing out fliers near the dorm for a blood drive.

“Hey, you! Wanna save somebody’s life?” She asked, shoving the paper at his chest.

“Okay?” She was very intimidating. 

“Great, we’re all set up in the main auditorium. Come on, I’ll show you.” She grabbed his hand and he followed along willingly enough.

She handed him off to a man in scrubs with a questionnaire full of embarrassing sex questions, to which Jensen’s answer was always “no.”

“Do you know your blood type?” he asked. Jensen shook his head. “We’ve got some bio students that can check that for you, if you’re curious.” He pointed to a table nearby, where several students were standing with slides, antibody serum, and needle sticks.

A girl who seemed almost as shy as himself pricked his finger and squeezed a few drops of blood out for testing. She leaned over the glass slide while she worked, but then she frowned.

“Hey, Steve? I think I maybe did this wrong?”

Another man came over to look. “What’s up?”

“According to this, the blood’s coming up Canid, but that can’t be right, right?”

The man repeated the test and then frowned as well, narrowing his eyes at Jensen.

“Does your guardian know you’re here?”

Jensen blinked. “My parents know I’m at school, yes.” He cocked his head to one side. “What’s a Canid?”

###

Jensen sat miserably in an interrogation room of the local police station. His dream come true had very quickly become a nightmare. He had no idea what was going on, other than apparently his parents had lied to him his entire life.

One of the detectives that had escorted him off the college grounds came back into the room.

“How you doing, buddy?” he asked in a tone that made Jensen feel all of five years old. “You need some water, or something to eat?” He shook his head. “You can take those clothes off, if you want. No one’s gonna make you pretend to be what you’re not anymore.”

“Are my parents coming?” He didn’t dare to hope.

Sure enough, the detective shook his head. “They left the country a couple of hours after they dropped you off at the school. They knew somebody was going to find out, and they ran.”

“What’s going to happen to me?” He had overheard scary words like “retraining center” and “radical therapy.” Everyone kept looking at him like he was going to explode or something.

“You’re a ward of the state, now. Before they can place you in a home with a permanent guardian, they’ve got to send you to a rehabilitation facility. Your parents did a number on you, kid, and they’ll do what they can, but I sure don’t envy you.”

###

The facility was call “Warm Embrace,” and Jensen wasn’t sure there was a bigger misnomer in existence. He was stripped of his clothing and left in a kennel about the size of a walk-in closet. There was a large cushion in one corner with a blanket and bowls for kibble and water but not much else. The walls and floor were tiled, and there was a drain opposite from his bed.

He took to pacing up and down the short length until an orderly in pale blue scrubs arrived to escort him to a therapy session.

“You gonna be a good boy,” the man asked coldly, “or do I need to get a collar and a leash?”

“I-I’ll be good,” Jensen promised, horrified.

The man led him out of the kennel area to a nicely furnished office. Jensen wasn’t sure he was allowed to touch anything, so he stood awkwardly in the middle of the room until a blonde woman entered a few moments later.

“Jensen?” she asked.

“Yes?” He moved his hands down to cover his genitalia, embarrassed to be so exposed in front of a strange woman.

“You were raised human, correct?” He nodded. She retrieved a bathrobe from a small closet. “They really should have eased you into the nudity, I’m sorry about that. You can wear this here in my office, but it is facility policy that you wear no clothing elsewhere. I’m Dr. Smith, and I’ll be working with you one on one at first, before we move to possible group therapy. Do you have any questions?”

Jensen couldn’t hold in a bitter laugh. “I have lots of questions. It’s like I’ve been dropped in an alternate reality, and nothing makes sense anymore.”

“This is a safe space,” the doctor assured him. “I want to help you understand why this is happening. I want to help you discover your true nature and be at peace with yourself and the world. It’s going to be a long process, but no one expects it to be easy. Please, have a seat.”

They spent his first session talking about his childhood and the way his parents had hidden everything from him. Before he left, Dr. Smith gave him a book she promised he was allowed to take with him about the history and nature of Canid humans.

He read until lights out and then lay awake trying to absorb the information.

###

Jensen liked Dr. Smith. She seemed to genuinely care about his well-being, unlike some of the orderlies. 

Jensen’s least favorite was called Fred. Around the administrators, he was completely professional, but he called the Canids derogatory names and even struck some of them when no one was around.

When Jensen had his biannual “episode,” as his parents had called it, which he now realized was a heat, he had to remain locked in his kennel so he couldn’t come in contact with the other patients.

“Can’t have you squeezing out little mutts all over the place, can we?” Fred taunted as he brought food and water to Jensen. “Should have known you were a bitch--you’re so pretty.”

Jensen was trying to ignore him, but he knew he was flushed with embarrassment.

“You want that though, don’t you, pretty Jenny? Deep down? All you want is for a big ol’ stud to mount you and pump you full of squirmy little freaks like you.”

Jensen knew he shouldn’t provoke the man, but Dr. Smith had been very clear that although not as autonomous as regular humans, Canids did have rights of their own.

“I don’t know how you managed to get this job,” Jensen said softly and more shakily than he would have liked, “but they’re going to catch you doing this kind of thing someday, and it won’t end well for you.”

Fred just laughed in his face. “I can get away with anything, you hear me? Maybe I should teach you a lesson. Not tonight--I’ll need time to prepare, but I’ve got about a week before your heat ends, don’t I?”

Jensen didn’t like the sound of that at all.

###

“Wake up, mutt, you’ve got an appointment.” 

It was two days later, and Jensen sat up groggily. “I thought I wasn’t allowed out of my kennel until the heat’s over?”

“It’s a physical. They want to see if your parents treating you like a real boy caused you any bodily harm.”

Jensen was still half asleep and feverish, so he didn’t notice that Fred was leading him down to the basement until it was too late. He tried to run, but Fred overpowered him and strapped him down to what he knew was a breeding bench, having seen them in the book Dr. Smith lent him.

Fred stuffed an old rag in his mouth as a crude gag.

“I’m gonna show you what a bitch is made for, pretty Jenny. I’ve got some friends for you to meet from the hard case wing, but first, to warm you up, I’ve got some studs I borrowed from a friend at the shelter next door.”

Jensen’s blood ran cold despite his fever. He had read how full dogs were just as attracted to male carrier and female Canids as they were to female dogs. A dog wouldn’t know there was anything wrong with what it was doing, driven by instinct, and Jensen might have been able to handle that, eventually. What really frightened him was the mention of the “hard case wing.”

Officially, it was called “failed reintegration containment” or FRC, and it was a secured wing of the facility where they housed rescues from fighting rings and other Canids that were so feral, they couldn’t be helped with any amount of therapy. 

It was unlikely that a full dog could impregnate Jensen, even in the middle of his heat, but another Canid definitely could. Jensen was barely coming to terms with the fact that he was capable of having pups someday; he was is no way ready to have it forced on him.

Fred led the first dog in and around in front of Jensen so he could see the large Rottweiler before he unhooked the lead and let him find his way over to Jensen’s presented ass by scent.

Jensen had never even touched himself, so the dog’s hurried thrusts inward were brutal. He screamed behind the gag until his voice gave out and he was in and out of consciousness. He wasn’t certain when the knots stopped being attached to dogs and started belonging to human bodies, but they were rougher. They nipped at the back of his neck and shoulders, scratching down his back and sides with blunt nails that still drew blood sometimes.

When it was finally all over, Fred dumped him back in his kennel. He didn’t even bother to clean him off at all first.

###

Dr. Smith was in early because for some reason she just hadn’t been able to sleep. She didn’t have any official appointments until later in the morning, so she decided to pay Jensen a visit at his kennel.

She knew she was likely the only meaningful interaction Jensen was getting these days, and she could only imagine how hard that was for someone whose world had just been turned upside down. She also wanted to see if his heat was causing any undue distress now that he knew that’s what it was.

She flipped on the lights to the darkened kennel and gasped, rushing forward to check on the huddled and shivering Canid.

Jensen was covered in saliva and semen, his eyes were swollen shut, though tears leaked by, and there was ugly bruising around his wrists and ankles. He was clutching his middle with both arms and she made soothing noises as she eased his hands away to get a better look. His abdomen was slightly swollen, and though bloating wasn’t uncommon mid-heat, Dr. Smith suspected it was not the cause. She slipped behind Jensen, and as she feared, there were obvious signs of trauma. His back was covered in bites and scratches and his anus, though it did not appear to be torn, was swollen and an angry red color.

“Who the hell’s down here?” A voice asked angrily from outside the door, and Dr. Smith looked up to see one of the orderlies.

“Call the medical wing this instant and have them send help!” she ordered. “There has clearly been a brutal assault, and I _will_ find out who is responsible and see that they are punished to the full extent of the law!”

###

Jeff Morgan knocked on Dr. Samantha Smith’s office door. When she had called him, she was barely coherent, she was so upset. All he could gather was that something awful had happened to one of the patients, and she thought he could help somehow.

When she opened the door, Sam practically threw herself at him and pulled him into a fierce hug. “It’s good to see you, Jeff.”

“You, too. Have you calmed down enough to tell me what’s going on?”

“One of our head orderlies essentially set up a gang-bang on one of our newer patients with dogs and FRC patients. It was horrible! Jensen trusts me, so I was able to get him to tell me who was responsible, but you know Canids are considered too suggestible to testify in court. There should be sufficient evidence to get the orderly put away for a while, but poor Jensen is clearly traumatized. He was in heat, and fortunately the shock kept any implantation from taking, so he won’t have to deal with a pregnancy, but I thought we were finally making some progress before this!”

Jeff let all of that sink in for a few moments. “This patient, Jensen, seems pretty important to you, Sam. I know you try not to get attached, so what’s different about this one?”

“His parents raised him human, kept him totally in the dark, and he’s just so sweet and shy. He kind of reminds me of David.”

Dr. Smith had an older brother who was a Canid that committed suicide in his teens. He was the whole reason she went into Canid counseling and psychology.

“What is it you want from me? You’re probably even better than I am at counseling after sexual trauma, so I assume that’s not it.”

Sam sighed. “I don’t think he should stay in this facility. It’s too sterile and impersonal, and he has bad memories here. I know you’ve brought rescue cases out to your ranch before. Could I ask you to take Jensen into your custody?”

Jeff had worked on a task force that took down Canid abusive fighting and sex rings. He was retired now, hadn’t actively worked with a trauma case since the Canid he adopted about five years previously.

“I’m not sure it’s a good idea. I have Jared, remember, and we’re still working on his issues from when a puppy-mill tried to force him into being a stud. If Jensen’s a carrier, that might not go over so well.”

“I know it’s a lot to ask, but I’m afraid for him, Jeff. He’s barely eating or drinking and he just lays there, staring into space. I need him to see what his life can be like in a caring home. All he’s known are lying, emotionally distant parents and this facility. Please?”

“Why don’t you let me meet him, and we’ll see how it goes?”

###

There were no private rooms in the infirmary, but Jensen’s hospital bed had been walled off with screens to afford some small amount of privacy as he recovered. Besides multiple external injuries and the mental damage, Jensen had suffered internal bleeding that required an emergency surgery. He wouldn’t be physically able to leave for a few more weeks at best. Sam was certain they would have lost him without the famed, strong Canid constitution.

Dr. Smith knocked lightly on the frame of one of the screens to announce herself, hoping not to startle the traumatized Canid.

“Jensen?” she asked softly. “Are you awake?”

She peeked around the edge of the screen to find Jensen was indeed awake as glassy green eyes met hers. She supposed she should have expected it--after coming out of the anesthesia, Jensen hadn’t slept more than a few minutes at a time since the attack. He wasn’t very responsive most of the time, but his eyes were almost always open.

“I’ve brought a friend with me that I would like you to meet.”

Jeff slid past the screen behind her, moving slowly and slouching slightly so he was less imposing, but Jensen still reacted badly, flinching and curling up at the head of the cot as far away from the strange man as he could get. Sam hoped he hadn’t pulled any stitches.

“Hello, Jensen,” Jeff said calmly, not budging an inch. “I’m only here to talk for a while, but I’ll go if you want me to.”

Jensen eyed him warily, also not moving.

“I’ll go if you want,” Jeff repeated, “but you’ll have to tell me. Do you want me to go?”

“No.” The word was so quiet, Dr. Smith wasn’t sure she’d heard it until Jensen added, “You don’t have to go.”

Dr. Smith sat next to Jensen on the cot and put a comforting arm around his shoulders. He leaned into the embrace.

“Jeff is a good friend of mine,” Sam explained, “and he has experience helping Canids who have been badly treated. I want to send you to his ranch for the rest of your recovery. It’s beautiful there, and I can promise that no one will hurt you-”

She was cut off by Jensen grabbing a fistful of her shirt and practically crawling into her lap, hiding his face and mumbling, “You’re sending me away? I’ll be good if you let me stay with you--please don’t make me go.”

Jeff chuckled and she glared at him. This wasn’t funny!

“I’m sorry,” he hastily apologized, “but I’m not sure you get how that sounded. You basically just gave him the speech about being sent away to a farm where he can run around and chase rabbits that is basically a lie to cover up something more horrible. You said he was raised human, right? I’m sure he heard some variation of it at some point.”

“Oh, Jensen,” she rubbed his back as he sobbed onto her shoulder. “I’m not sending you away because I don’t care for you. I thought you would want to get as far from this place as you could, after the way we failed you. I wish these centers were run more like what Jeff can offer.”

Jensen pulled his tear-streaked face away to look curiously in Jeff’s direction, though he never made eye contact. “You really have a ranch?”

“Yeah,” Jeff affirmed, “I do. It’s not a working ranch anymore, though I do let people board a few horses with us, sometimes. The house has a lot of empty space, so you could have your own room, if you wanted. There _are_ kennels, but I never use them unless that’s what a particular Canid would prefer, and I don’t believe you do?” Jensen rapidly shook his head in the negative. “I keep a strict meal schedule and encourage daily exercise, but I’m also happy to let you have free time to do whatever interests you. You need to ask permission, though. 

“Dr. Smith gave me an outline of where she was going with your therapy, and we’d need to continue that. I can handle a lot of it, but she’d come out when she could to visit and work with you, too.”

“Would I be all alone?” Jensen asked, and it was a loaded question. He sounded both hopeful and frightened.

“No, Jensen,” Jeff replied honestly. “I have another Canid, Jared, that I adopted. He’s an alpha male who was treated very badly before I took him in. I’m afraid there’s not much I can do if that will bother you because you would be a guest, but the ranch is Jared’s home. I’ll also want to talk with him and make sure he’s okay with the idea before we move forward.”

“He got hurt, too?” Jensen inquired quietly, and both Jeff and Dr. Smith were relieved that he focused on that portion of the information and not that Jared was an alpha male.

“Yes. He has therapy sessions as well. He doesn’t have them as often as he did at the beginning, but he’s still recovering.”

“We’ll let you think about it, okay?” Dr Smith soothed. “No one is going to make you go anywhere.”

After they were out of hearing range, Jeff stopped Sam in the hall. “That’s not true, is it? About no one making him leave?”

“That’s another reason I called you,” Dr. Smith admitted. “I’ve heard talk of sending Jensen to another facility as soon as he’s recovered enough to travel. I keep hearing people mention his ‘unstable mindset’ and I’m almost certain they’ll send him to a facility where they’ll keep him drugged up and isolated, maybe even place him in protective FRC. I don’t think he could survive long like that.”

“You know I’d hate to see that happen just as much as you, but I really will need to broach the idea with Jared. I’m his guardian, Sam--he has to be the first priority for me.”

“I understand,” she assured him. “I’ve just got a feeling this will work out for the best. I really hope I’m right.”

Jeff hoped so, too.


	2. Nature Resisted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen comes to stay with Jeff and Jared.
> 
> I've added a few more tags to the story for nightmares, panic attacks, and flashbacks, in case any of those things might be a problem for anyone.

Jeff half-expected Jared to be waiting right on the other side of the front door when he returned home, but the affectionate Canid must have gotten tired and gone to lay down somewhere more comfortable than the entryway. Sure enough, he had scarcely hung up his coat before he heard a door opening and closing upstairs and the pounding of feet as Jared barreled down the hall and the stairs. Jeff had just enough time to brace himself before his Canid slammed into him in an enthusiastic greeting. 

“Jared, we’ve talked about this,” Jeff scolded gently. “You’re bigger than you think, and you need to slow down so someone doesn’t get hurt.” At least Jared only greeted _him_ this way! Otherwise, Jeff was fairly certain he’d never receive any visitors at all.

“I just missed you so much!” Jared muttered as he nuzzled his face into the side of Jeff’s neck to take a deep breath of his scent. “It gets scary, being all alone.” The puppy-mill used to punish him with isolation and sensory deprivation. It had taken a long time to get Jared to trust that when Jeff left the house, it wasn’t because he was angry with him.

“Didn’t Mrs. Jenkins check on you?”

“Yeah,” Jared reluctantly admitted, “but she smells like cabbage.” The Canid took a step back and frowned, wrinkling his nose. “ _You_ smell like a hospital. Are you okay, Jeff?”

“I went to see Dr. Smith, remember? She called me because a Canid got hurt at the rehabilitation center. He had to stay in the infirmary.”

Jared’s frown deepened, but he didn’t ask any more questions. 

The alpha male Canid had almost ended up in one of the facilities after Jeff’s team busted the mill, but Jeff had only needed one look at the cells the criminals had kept their Canids in to know that they would never be able to convince Jared it wasn’t simply more of the same, if he were placed in such a sterile environment. 

Jared knew about the centers from Jeff and whatever he saw on television, and his impression of them was not favorable. Jeff didn’t like them much himself.

Jeff waited until they were eating dinner to bring his trip up again.

“Jared, do you remember what I promised you when you came to live with me?”

Jared nodded with a fond smile on his face. “You said you would always be honest with me and my health and happiness were your top priority.”

“That’s right, which is why I’m going to tell you everything about my trip and give you a choice to make.” Jeff had been thinking about how to say what he needed to say his whole trip home, and he still wasn’t sure he was ready, but he took a deep breath and began his explanation anyway.

“I told you the Canid Dr. Smith wanted me to see had been hurt, but I didn’t say how. His name is Jensen, and his parents raised him like a regular human instead of a Canid and never told him he was a carrier, either. After the government discovered his status and sent him to the center, one of the guards decided to hurt him in the worst way possible, tied him down to a breeding bench, and let dogs and some of the other patients assault him.”

Jeff paused to gauge Jared’s reaction. Sexual abuse always hit very close to home for his Canid, and he wanted to make sure Jared was okay before he even considered broaching the subject of bringing Jensen to stay with them.

Jared was trembling slightly and his eyes held a few unshed tears, but he seemed to be maintaining self control. He’d come a long way. News stories about the kind of work Jeff used to do had been enough to set the alpha Canid sobbing inconsolably or into a silent brooding state where he refused to eat or speak for a long time. 

“Dr. Smith asked you to see him because of your old job, right?” Jared asked. “You help Canids who’ve been... _hurt_.”

“She didn’t want me to just talk to him,” Jeff continued. “Do you know why I did everything I could to become your guardian as soon as possible?” Jared shook his head. “I didn’t want you to have to spend any time in one of the centers. I knew it would be a very bad place for you after how you were treated. I wanted you to be able to come right home with me, where you could be more comfortable and hopefully feel safe.”

“Thank you,” Jared interrupted him to express his gratitude with a small smile. “I’m really glad I never had to go to one of those places.”

“I’m glad, too. Jensen didn’t have anybody to look out for him until Dr. Smith tried to help him, but he still got hurt. She’s afraid the center will be a bad place for him to stay after what happened to him there. She wanted to know if he could stay with us for a while. I told her I would have to talk to you first because this is your home, too.”

Jared chewed on his bottom lip as he thought about it. He hadn’t been in contact with any other Canids since he came to live with Jeff and had never asked about going to a Canid friendly park or a social group. Jeff had never pressed the issue because Jared seemed happy and never mentioned feeling lonely, even when Jeff had to leave on trips and couldn’t bring Jared along.

“I promise that I won’t think badly of you, if you say no,” Jeff hurried to reassure his charge.

“Wouldn’t he be afraid of me?” Jared asked tentatively.

“Probably. He was afraid of me at first, too.”

Jared considered that for a moment. “Will he be on suppressants?” 

Commercial drugs were available to prevent unwanted heats, and Jensen should have been on them at the center, but his heat had been a surprise, since Jensen hadn’t known to warn them it was happening so soon. Jensen was currently on antibiotics after the attack that would interfere with the medication’s effectiveness.

“No. He can’t take them for a while because of other medicine he needs for his injuries, but he won’t be due for another heat for about six months, maybe longer because of the trauma. Even if he _did_ go into heat while he was here, I’m sure he wouldn’t bother you. He’s not like the carriers from the mill, Jared.”

The breeders at the puppy mill were “rewarded” for their enthusiastic cooperation with extra food and more comfortable bedding. The only females and carriers Jared had ever known had pressured him for sex when they weren’t ignoring him. The other alpha males had intimidated him in order to secure partners and rewards for themselves. Jeff really couldn’t blame him for resisting socialization with other Canids.

“Do you think it’s like it was with me? Do you think being here will be better for him?”

Jeff sighed. “I honestly don’t know, Jared. I’d like to think it would be.”

“Then we should do it,” Jared stated decisively. “We should help him get better.”

“Okay. I’ll call Dr. Smith tomorrow.”

They steered the rest of their dinner conversation to lighter topics. 

Jeff was encouraged by Jared’s willingness to help another Canid who had been abused. He didn’t think he’d ever cease to be amazed by how caring Jared was, even after everything he’d been through.

###

Sam furtively glanced at the Canid in her passenger seat every few minutes. It was a long drive out to Jeff’s ranch, but she didn’t want to subject her patient to crowded public transportation. He was jumpy around absolutely everyone in the center, but he still seemed to draw some comfort from her presence.

Jensen was staring blankly out his window, and Dr. Smith wasn’t certain he was even seeing the scenery that flashed by them in a blur. He had barely moved at all so far, so it was obvious when he began to fidget restlessly.

“Jensen, are you all right?” she asked gently. “You’re welcome to ask for anything you need. Do we need to stop for a bathroom break?” She didn’t bother asking if he was hungry. Recently he only ate when directed, and then as little as he could get away with under the hospital wing staff’s watchful eyes.

“Could I-” he began but then sighed and shook his head. “I’m fine.”

“Jensen,” she prodded gently, “it’s okay to express what you want. I won’t get angry. If you need something, you have to tell me--I’m not a mindreader.”

She thought he was simply going to return to his staring, but then he all but whispered, “May I roll down my window?”

“Of course,” Sam assured him. “Is it too warm in here? I can turn on the air-conditioner.”

Jensen shook his head as he cracked his window just a couple of inches. “I just want a little fresh air.”

The doctor couldn’t blame him. While not very significantly more sensitive than an ordinary human’s, a Canid’s sense of smell was acute. Jensen has been isolated in the infirmary, and almost no one enjoyed the antiseptic smells there, sensitive nose or no.

“Roll it down all the way, if you want,” she offered, but Jensen seemed content with the small draft. He closed his eyes and the barest hint of a smile quirked the corners of his mouth.

“I’ve missed the smell of the outdoors,” he murmured. Sam wondered if he realized he was speaking aloud, but she was trying to encourage him to speak more often, so she didn’t say anything. “My parents’ house was an estate outside the city limits, and I used to love playing outside.”

The center had a small courtyard to give the patients a bit of outside time, but it was hardly more than a rectangle of blacktop surrounded by the buildings of the facility. Dr. Smith fervently hoped that the rural setting of the ranch would help Jensen to relax and recover.

The car was quiet for a while longer before Jensen began to squirm in his seat again, but before Sam could ask what the issue was, Jensen spoke on his own.

“Have you ever met Jeff’s Canid?”

“Yes, I’ve met Jared a few times.”

“What’s he like?”

Dr. Smith considered her response carefully. She didn’t want to gild the lily too much because she wanted Jensen to have a realistic expectation of the Canid he had never met, but she didn’t want to accidentally say something that would put Jared in a negative light, either.

“He’s very enthusiastic,” was what she eventually settled on. “I’d say he’s around your age, tall, with brown hair.”

“If he doesn’t like me, do I have to go to FRC?” Jensen asked quietly, eyes downcast.

“What? Where did you hear that?” She was certain she had never mentioned that possibility, hoping to avoid it altogether.

“I heard one of the nurses saying I was lucky Jeff was willing to offer his home as an option because I belonged in more structured care,” Jensen answered honestly.

“I don’t want you to worry about that,” Sam reassured him while internally writing out the formal complaint she was planning to file once she returned to work and found out who was being so careless with their words around the patients. “You just be yourself, Jensen, and I’m sure both Jared and Jeff will be able to see the wonderful person I see in you.”

“I’m not wonderful,” Jensen muttered under his breath and turned back to the window.

The rest of the ride was quiet.

###

Jared was usually curious, if a bit wary, of visitors, so Jeff anticipated him being more interested in Jensen’s arrival, but the Canid had retreated to his room for a nap while Jeff waited in the living room where he could watch for Sam’s car out the front window.

The sun was just setting when the familiar sedan pulled up into the ranch house’s circular drive. Jeff walked out to meet them at the car.

“Welcome,” he greeted them with a smile. “I hope the drive was okay? I know it’s a long one.”

“Yes, thank you,” Sam replied. Jensen was too busy staring at the scenery around him to respond.

“Do you need help with any bags? Will you be staying overnight, or...”

“I’m afraid not,” she said with a sigh. “I really have to get back. I had to use a personal day to bring Jensen out here, and with the investigation still ongoing, I need to be at the center.”

Jensen looked distressed at the idea of Dr. Smith deserting him, and he moved closer to her, shoulders hunching and eyes down. Any excitement he had been displaying previously was gone.

“At least stay for dinner? I know Jared would like to say hi.”

Jensen looked up at the mention of the other Canid, but he still did not speak.

Sam looked over at Jensen and considered the suggestion. “All right, Jeff, but just dinner.”

Jensen only had one small bag, which he clung to like a security blanket. The center would not have allowed him more than the single set of simple clothing he was currently wearing for “public decency” during the trip, but if Jeff knew Sam like he thought he did, there was probably some other clothing in the knapsack. Sam handed him another small bag with some pill bottles and a folded paper with instructions.

“Jensen will still need to take the antibiotics and stool-softener for a while, but the pain-relievers are only if needed.”

Jeff wasn’t surprised the doctor hadn’t let Jensen handle his own medication.

“Well, come on inside, and I’ll get started on that dinner. Are tacos okay? We can whip those up pretty quickly.”

“That sounds lovely,” Sam agreed.

“Jensen?” Jeff asked. “Do you like tacos?”

He shrugged.

Jeff led them inside and to the sitting room.

“Jensen can leave his bag here for now, and I’ll show him to his room later. You guys can wait here, or you can help in the kitchen.”

“You know I could burn water,” Sam scoffed, “but maybe I can find something to do to help.”

Jensen clutched his bag tighter and gnawed his lower lip.

“Would you be all right staying in here by yourself, Jensen, or would you like to come along, too?”

Jensen looked alarmed at the thought of being left alone in a strange place. He set his bag down in a corner of the room well out of the way of any other furnishings and meekly followed Jeff and Sam to the kitchen.

Jeff settled Sam in to grate some cheese and open a can of kidney beans to go in with the taco meat before turning his attention to Jensen.

“Have you ever cooked before?” he asked gently. Canids only rarely did, and then under supervision, but Jensen had been raised human.

The young Canid shook his head. 

“Would you like to try helping? You can start by finding the taco shells in the pantry.”

Jensen seemed content to follow directions, and soon they were well on their way to eating the meal. 

The smell of the cooking taco meat eventually lured Jared down. He was wearing a pair of soft, cotton shorts. He and Jensen locked eyes across the room for a tense moment before Jared flashed a small smile.

“Hi,” he said. “You must be Jensen. I’m Jared.”

“Hi,” Jensen replied very softly before studiously turning his attention back to tearing up leaf lettuce into manageable pieces.

Jared set the table while they finished up the taco fixings, and then they all sat down. Jensen carefully watched as the others prepared their tacos to their own liking, eventually copying Dr. Smith’s combination. Jeff couldn’t help a laugh at Jensen’s shocked expression when he took his first bite.

“Surprised it’s not terrible?” he asked.

Jensen looked embarrassed by the attention. “No,” he finally explained, “they’re very good. I’ve just never had them before.”

“Really?” Jared asked, eyes wide. “Tacos are amazing!”

“You think all food is amazing, Jared,” Jeff teased.

Jared ignored him. “How did you never have tacos before?” he asked Jensen.

The other Canid shrugged. “We always ate what my parents wanted, and they only liked fancy food with weird names. Some of it was good, but I think I like the tacos better. I definitely like it better than the kibble at the center.”

Jared seemed satisfied with that answer, but now that he’d broken the ice, the meal was less awkwardly quiet. Fortunately, Jared didn’t bombard Jensen with questions like Jeff feared he might.

After the meal, they all washed the dishes together, and then Sam gave Jensen a warm hug.

“I really think staying here will be good for you, Jensen,” she reassured him. “Please give it a chance?”

“Okay,” Jensen agreed, eyes downcast.

“I’ll come back to see you as soon as I can.”

Jeff and the two Canids watched her drive away until the car had long been out of sight.

“Jared,” Jeff broke the quiet, “would you like to show Jensen to his room?”

“Sure.” Jared tuned to Jensen eagerly. “It’s right next to mine, and Jeff is just down the hall. Nobody ever used to stay there, and it was all dusty, but we cleaned it.”

Jensen just nodded, still getting accustomed to Jared and all his energy.

They returned to the sitting room to retrieve Jensen’s bag, and then Jared scrambled up the stairs, three at a time. Jeff and Jensen followed at a more normal speed.

Jensen stood in the middle of the room, staring around himself. It was furnished simply, with a bed and a dresser. 

“Sam told me that you like to read,” Jeff told him. “If you’d like, I have a small bookshelf we can move in here tomorrow.”

Jensen looked excited for the first time since the tacos.

“Really?” he asked. “It’s okay if I read?”

“Sure,” Jeff assured him. “I’d like you to spend time doing other things too, but reading is definitely okay.”

Jensen set his bag on top of the dresser and yawned. Jeff took that as a cue to explain a few more of the house rules.

“I’d like for you to be in your room by ten and for you to stay in here, unless you need the bathroom, until at least seven in the morning. We eat breakfast at seven-thirty and then usually go for a walk or a jog. We eat lunch around twelve. I’d like to start having sessions about once a week in the afternoons, though we may have more or less depending on how they go. 

“A big part of you being here is that this is not like the center, Jensen. I encourage you to interact with myself and Jared. We may also have other visitors. I need you to tell me how you’re doing, and I want you to feel free to ask any questions that you have. I want to help you, but you’re going to have to put in effort, too.”

Jensen nodded. “I’ll try. Thank you, Mr. Morgan.”

Jared snorted at the name. “Please,” Jeff directed, “call me Jeff.”

###

The first three days of Jensen’s stay with them were fairly uneventful. He dutifully ate his meals and went for walks and spent time around Jeff and Jared, but Jeff was certain he was still keeping himself isolated as much as he could, protecting his inner self. He also preferred to remain fully-clothed. Jeff had never been a fan of forcing Canids to shed their clothing at home, as evidenced by Jared’s penchant for remaining partially clothed, so he allowed it.

Jared was being as friendly as Jeff could have possibly hoped. He talked to Jensen almost non-stop when they were together. Jensen rarely spoke in return, but he listened, and Jeff was glad to see them getting along so well.

He was determined to keep his promise to continue Jensen’s counseling, so on the fourth day, they left Jared to his favorite sitcom and went to Jeff’s study for a session. For the first few moments they sat in silence, staring one another down.

Finally, Jensen could take it no more. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“I want you to say whatever you feel like saying.”

“What if that’s nothing?” Jensen challenged, showing the most emotion Jeff had seen from him all day. “What if I’m happy saying nothing? Jared says enough for two Canids.”

“He certainly does,” Jeff agreed with a small smile, “but I do truly believe that talking to others is more helpful in the end than bottling everything up inside.”

“It’s all I know,” Jensen confessed after a period of more silence. “All my life, no one cared what I had to say. I was always told how I should behave, but even that was a lie. I was never a very good regular boy, and now I’m a bad Canid.”

Jeff frowned. “Why do you think you’re a bad Canid?”

“Everyone says so. It’s why they put me in the center, isn’t it? I don’t do as I should, I’m all wrong.”

“I know it doesn’t seem that way, but the center wasn’t meant to punish you, Jensen.” Jeff internally cursed the system that tried to fit everyone into the same neat, little box, regardless of circumstances. “Do you know why the centers were founded, Jensen?”

“I read in the book that Dr. Smith gave me that people realized that Canids were happier being treated more like dogs than people. Responsibilities and hard decisions put too much stress on Canids, and many Canids had breakdowns and killed themselves before the government decided to limit their legal rights.”

“That’s more or less correct,” Jeff allowed, “but I don’t believe it’s necessarily true that Canids can’t make any of their own decisions. I think it’s true that you Canids are more emotionally sensitive, maybe a bit more suggestive and trusting, but I certainly don’t think you should be treated like animals or denied the chance to choose how you want to live.

“What is it that you want, Jensen? I won’t lie and say that you can do anything because I certainly can’t make that promise, but what I can promise is to help you get as close to your dream as I can. What is your ideal life?”

“I don’t know,” Jensen whimpered. “I feel like I don’t know anything about the world. My parents hid _so much_ from me.”

“That’s okay, too,” Jeff assured him. “No one has all the answers. You have time to think about what you want from the future.”

“What about what I don’t want?” Jensen asked, expression suddenly stony. “Is it okay if I know that already?”

“I suppose,” Jeff answered cautiously, “but I have to say that it’s better to ‘never say never’ as the saying goes. What we want can change, and what seems like something we would never want one day can be something we decide to try later.”

Jensen shook his head sharply. “I can’t. Not ever.”

“Can’t what?” Jeff asked.

“ _Breed._ ” Jensen spat the word like a curse. “It’s all _he_ said I was good for, said that’s what I really wanted.” Jeff didn’t have to ask to whom Jensen was referring, and he hoped the former orderly would have a long, miserable life in prison. 

“He was wrong, Jensen,” Jeff said firmly. “He had no right to say any of that, or to touch you, or to hurt you in any way. He was _wrong_ , and he will be punished. You shouldn’t let a single word he said to you mean anything, and certainly don’t let him make any choices for you.”

Jensen pulled his knees up to his chest, making himself into as small a ball as he could on the chair. “I don’t want to talk anymore.”

“Okay,” Jeff soothed. “We talked about a lot today. We can stop for now, but I want you to do something for me before next week, okay?” Jensen gave a tiny nod. “I want you to start thinking about what you want. I want you to think about the last time you were really and truly happy. I want you to come to our next session with a goal. It doesn’t have to be a big one--in fact, a smaller one would be best. Can you do that?”

“I’ll try,” Jensen whispered.

He didn’t eat very much at dinner, and he went to bed early.

###

Jensen was finally falling back into a normal sleep cycle after the attack, but the night following his session with Jeff, he had a nightmare.

He was back in the basement of the center, screaming for help that would never come as Fred stood over him and laughed while a faceless alpha male from the FRC ravaged him.

As he woke up from the horrible dream, he found himself unable to move and cried out in distress. He thrashed and rolled off of the bed and onto the floor.

The overhead light came on, and suddenly Jeff was there, close but making no attempt to touch.

“Jensen? Are you awake now? You’re okay. You’re safe.”

“Can’t move,” Jensen panted before belatedly realizing he had cocooned himself in the blanket and sheets as he tossed and turned in the nightmare.

“Do you need help?” Jeff asked.

“Maybe?” Jensen admitted, finding himself unable to wriggle free on his own. 

As Jeff went about setting him loose, he noticed a disheveled Jared peeking in through the doorway.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized once he was able to move again, flushing in embarrassment. “I woke you both up.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jeff reassured him. “Are you going to be okay? You didn’t hurt yourself when you fell?”

Jensen shook his head. “I think I’ll be okay.”

Jeff and Jared returned to their own rooms, and Jensen tried to get back to sleep, but he was afraid to find himself in that basement again. He turned on the light and curled up in the corner with the bed between him and the door. He wrapped himself in the blanket and returned to reading a novel he had borrowed from Jeff’s collection.

He jumped when there was a soft knock at the door.

“Jeff?” he called softly. “I’m sorry if the light is bothering you...”

The door opened and closed again, and then Jared peeked over the bed.

“Jared?”

“I did see the light on when I went to the bathroom,” the other Canid explained. “Can’t sleep?”

“Don’t want to,” Jensen corrected.

Jared nodded in commiseration. “I had nightmares for a long time after I came to live with Jeff. I tried just not sleeping too, but it just made me tired and cranky. You can’t really do anything about nightmares.”

“I know.” Jensen sighed. “I still don’t want to try sleeping again, yet.”

Jared shrugged and sat next to him, scooting in close. “I’ll sit up with you.”

“I’m just going to be reading,” Jensen warned. “It’ll be pretty boring for you.”

Jared huffed. “I never understood what’s so great about reading. It’s easier to watch a movie or a television show, isn’t it?”

“Maybe,” Jensen conceded, “but when I read, I can picture whoever I want playing the roles and not just whoever some casting director with bad taste thought should do it. Haven’t you ever had a character on a show you wished was played by somebody different?”

“I guess. I can probably imagine better special effects sometimes, too.”

“Exactly!”

Soon, the book lay forgotten as the two Canids discussed Jensen’s favorite books and Jared’s favorite shows and movies until they both nodded off, which was how Jeff found them the next morning when he went to check on Jensen before breakfast. He let them sleep a little late.

###

“Did you come up with a goal?” Jeff asked Jensen a week later.

“I thought about it,” Jensen began before pausing, as though he were choosing his words carefully or debating not saying anything at all.

“And?” Jeff prompted gently.

“I was very happy when my parents let me go away to school. I’ve always loved reading and learning. I never got a chance to decide what I wanted to study, but just the idea of having so many options to learn was amazing. Could I maybe take a class? Like through the mail or maybe online?”

“I think that’s an excellent idea,” Jeff consented. “I can send for a course catalogue from the local community college and we can look at some university websites.”

“It’s really okay?” Jensen asked skeptically. “Are Canids allowed to take classes?”

“Why wouldn’t you be allowed? Just let me know if it becomes too stressful for you, and we’ll reevaluate our options.”

Jensen smiled at him. It was a real, genuine smile, the first Jeff had ever seen on the younger man’s face, and it was beautiful.

“Maybe we can find something Jared can take, too?”

“If he wants.”

They talked about possible classes for a while, and Jeff really hated to make Jensen unhappy again, but they had other things to discuss.

“Have you had any more nightmares?”

Jensen frowned. “A few. None as bad as that first one so far, though. Jared told me about something you told him, about realizing it isn’t real and changing the nightmare into something else.”

“It’s called lucid dreaming,” Jeff explained, “and it would be great if it worked for you, but not everyone can do it, and not every time.”

“It’s still comforting to know that maybe I could.”

“Is there anything I can do to make your room feel safer for you? That might help ease your anxiety before you even fall asleep.”

“My room is fine. Except...”

Jeff leaned forward. “Except what, Jensen?”

“I don’t really like the bed. I don’t actually sleep in it most nights. When I was little, I always felt better in the corner on the floor. I know that’s weird.”

“It’s your room, Jensen. If you’d rather be on the floor, we can move the mattress to the corner for now, and we’ll find something that works for you. What really matters is that you feel safe and happy there.”

“You sound like Dr. Smith.” Jensen chuckled. “Have you heard from her?”

“I’m afraid I haven’t.”

“Oh. Well, I’m sure she’s just very busy.”

Later that evening, as they watched the evening news, it became apparent just how busy and why.

“In other news,” the perpetually smiling anchor announced, “the Warm Embrace Canid Rehabilitation Center has been closed down pending shocking charges of widespread corruption and abuse, including but not limited to the formal charges filed against one of the orderlies whose legal representative had this to say.”

They cut to a video of the lawyer standing in front of a courthouse. “My client is being made a scapegoat for a rotten system. This case is only getting so much attention because of the identity of the alleged victim of abuse-”

Jensen gaped as his own picture appeared on the screen. “-Jensen Ackles, son of a prominent family and secret Canid.”

The phone rang in the kitchen, and Jeff went to answer it.

“I’m so sorry,” Sam’s regretful voice came down the line. “I had no idea this would go to the press or that the entire center would be shut down. Is Jensen okay?”

“He’s shocked,” Jeff replied. “We all are.”

“The media storm will eventually blow over, I’m sure.” Dr. Smith sighed. “In the meantime, it’s a good thing Jensen is with you and not still here. The patients are all being transferred to other facilities, and the staff, those of us not being charged with crimes, will have to find new jobs. I’m afraid Jensen’s stay with you may be rather prolonged.”

“I don’t mind. He’s a good kid.”

“Please tell him I’m sorry?”

“I will.”

Jeff returned to the living room to find Jared comforting Jensen.

“It’s all my fault,” he lamented. “All those people lost their jobs, and the Canids all have to go to strange new facilities.” He looked up at Jeff, eyes full of tears. “What if some of them end up in FRC because of me?”

“This is _not_ your fault, Jensen,” Jeff assured him. “As much as I hate to agree with that lawyer, the system at Warm Embrace _was_ rotten. Your attack might have been the match, but that powder keg was ready to blow for years. Your name shouldn’t have been released like that, either.”

“I’m not sorry they got shut down,” Jared declared. “They deserved it, and Jensen gets to stay with us. It’s way better here, right, Jensen?”

Jensen nodded and leaned into the taller man. “Yeah, it is.”

Jeff switched off the television and decided that for the next week or so he’d be watching the evening news alone, after the Canids were in their rooms for the night.

###

Jeff had to go into town for supplies one morning, and he allowed Jared and Jensen to take their morning walk alone, as long as they promised not to leave the property and to be back at the house before he returned from town, giving them about an hour and a half.

Jared was just as happy and excited as he ever was.

“Aren’t you worried at all?” Jensen asked. “What if we get lost, or we lose track of time, or something?”

“Jensen, we’ve walked this same path before lots of times! I know the way, don’t worry. Besides, I want to show you something.”

Jared led him off of their usual path when they passed by a creek that ran through Jeff’s property. They walked down the rocky bank and across a fallen log to the other side. Jared walked a short way down the opposite bank before ducking behind a bush and disappearing.

“Jared?” Jensen called in a panic.

“I’m in here. Come on!”

Jensen followed him to find a shallow cave in the bank.

“Isn’t this place great? I found it another time Jeff let me go on the walk by myself. It’s a secret.”

Jensen looked around. The space was about the size of a walk-in closet, and despite the proximity to the water, the floor was dry.

“I won’t tell anybody,” Jensen promised.

“Sometimes, if Jeff has to take a trip, I come out here.” He moved a rock aside to reveal a small niche with a flashlight and some batteries. “I’ve never come out here at night, but I think it might be fun to camp here someday. I’d have to tell Jeff, though, and I kind of like having a secret place.”

“You told me and not Jeff?” Jensen was both pleased to have been chosen to share the secret and shocked that Jared would choose him over his guardian.

“You’re my friend,” Jared explained simply. “I’ve never really had one before.”

“Me neither,” Jensen admitted.

“Come on,” Jared urged with a grin, “we’d better get going. We have to finish our walk, and maybe we’ll see some baby deer further along the trail.”

###

Jensen slowly began to open up a bit more over the next few weeks, spending most of his free time with Jared. He would read various books aloud to the other Canid--Jared knew how to read, he just didn’t much enjoy it--and they would watch shows and movies together. They pressed up against each other on the couch where they could whisper conspiratorially to one another if Jeff had requested quiet time.

Jeff worried they might be becoming too attached. After all, how would he be able to tell if their feelings were genuine or merely born out of circumstance and proximity?

Jeff had resolved himself to the fact that Jensen was eventually going to leave, once Sam was settled in a new facility where she could continue his therapy as they had originally planned. It was a real possibility that Jared wouldn’t want him to go.

One afternoon, there was a romantic comedy playing that they all agreed to sit down and watch. The plot included several Canid characters, though they weren’t played by Canid actors, and one of the eventual couples at the end were Canid.

Jensen watched the film intently, as though it were some sort of documentary and not a cliche plot with characters representing exaggerated stereotypes. Whenever Jared would laugh at something happening on screen, Jensen would turn his focus to the other Canid for a moment, gaze just as intense.

At their next session, Jensen fidgeted for a few moments before asking shyly, “Do Canids ever, um, do things with each other when one of them isn’t in heat?”

“Yes,” Jeff answered honestly. “Why do you ask?” He had a pretty good idea why.

“I’ve never really wanted to try any of that, but...”

“But you’ve thought about it with Jared?”

Jensen blushed. “Y-yes,” he stammered.

This was difficult for Jeff. He really liked Jensen, and the Canid had grown on him during his stay, but he also felt very protective of Jared. The only reason he hadn’t intervened yet in their growing closeness was because Jared seemed just as smitten.

“I would be very careful, Jensen,” Jeff cautioned gently. “I can’t tell you when you’ll be ready for something like that, but if you aren’t ready, you could wind up hurting yourself and even Jared.”

Jensen looked shocked at the very idea. “I would never want to hurt Jared, Jeff! I’m not like that! You think I would?”

“I know you wouldn’t,” Jeff backpedalled hastily. “I just want you both to be sure, so there aren’t hurt feelings.”

When he sent Sam an update email that evening, he asked how her job search was coming along. He was certain someone was going to get hurt soon, it was just a matter of time.

###

After that session, Jensen began shying away from Jeff again. He was always eager to do anything he asked, seeking approval, and he felt bad for making Jensen think he didn’t like him.

Jared seemed oblivious, still pulling Jensen along with him whenever he thought of something he wanted to do.

Jensen had settled on a foreign language class, and though Jared decided not to take the class as well, he did help Jensen practice with vocabulary flash cards.

The weather turned cold, and Jeff realized Jensen had been with them for almost two months. He had been with them for Thanksgiving, and it had all felt like it was the way it should be, and now, as Christmas approached, Jeff found he couldn’t imagine the day without Jensen. He even purchased a collector’s edition of one of Jensen’s favorite novels as a gift.

One afternoon, Jared approached him, surprisingly alone.

“Hey, Jeff, can I talk to you?”

“Of course. Is something wrong?” He hoped not.

“I was thinking. Do we have to send Jensen back to Dr. Smith? I mean, the center sounded awful, and he’s happy here, and maybe we can afford it?”

Jeff had been thinking much the same things, honestly.

“I don’t know, Jared. We’ll have to talk to Dr. Smith, and to Jensen, of course. I can’t make any promises.”

Jared shrugged that off. “But you’ll think about it?”

Jeff nodded. It certainly seemed that they’d passed a point of no return.

###

Jensen stared at the Christmas tree Jeff had brought home for them. Time had flown by for him. He didn’t like to think much of the time before he’d come to stay here, and he tried never to think of having to go.

Jeff and Jared were a good family, not at all like the one in which he’d been raised, and he wished he could be a part of it, too. If only Jeff wanted him to stay.

He’d tried to be good. He never complained, and he always did as he was asked, but Jeff just didn’t seem to want another Canid in his home permanently, or at least not Jensen. He never should have said anything about Jared.

Jared was the best thing in Jensen’s life. When they were together he felt safe and happy, and he felt like he could tell Jared anything. He normally wasn’t fond of being touched, but Jared was very tactile, and he found he enjoyed the closeness and the warmth given off by the other Canid’s body.

Even after Jeff told him not to, he thought about touching Jared even more. He never imagined full sex, but he thought of snuggling and kissing, gentle touches. He wondered what Jared tasted like. If anything, being told he shouldn’t made him think about it even more, and he was certain he’d seen a look in Jared’s eyes that seemed like he was thinking about it, too.

Jeff cursed under his breath nearby, and Jensen shook off his thoughts of Jared for the moment.

“I forgot one of the ornament boxes in the attic,” Jeff complained.

“I’ll get it,” Jensen offered. “Where is it?”

“It’s straight back from the stairs. It should have ‘ornaments’ or something written on it. Thanks.”

Jensen climbed up into the attic and looked around for the box. He didn’t see it right away, but something did catch his eye. There was a large shape in the back corner, covered by a sheet, and it was familiar in a disturbing way. Part of him wanted to run as far from it as he could, but the rest just had to see what was under that sheet.

He gave the sheet a tug, revealing the item beneath, and he gasped in horror and dismay. Then he did run, down the stairs and out the back door, heedless of the recent snow and the cold.

###

Jeff was focussed on untangling a string of lights, so he didn’t notice Jensen had not returned until Jared remarked that he was taking an awfully long time.

“Maybe he’s still looking,” Jeff suggested as he stood to head to the attic. “I’ve been meaning to organize the attic for years and just never got around to it.”

He walked up to the stairs, noticing that he heard no sounds of anyone rummaging through the items in the attic. He looked around the space, spotting the box of ornaments off to one side and not where he’d directed Jensen to look. He walked further into the attic and froze when he saw what Jensen had uncovered.

It was a breeding bench.

Jeff turned and rushed down the stairs, where he ran into Jared in the hallway.

“Jeff! I think Jensen ran away! I went into the kitchen to get a glass of water and the back door was open.”

“I think you’re right. Jared... Jared, he found the bench. I never told him-”

“I’ll go look for him,” Jared interrupted him. “I think I know where he might have gone.” 

Jared grabbed his coat and hurried toward the door, but Jeff stopped him. “Don’t forget his coat,” Jeff said, handing over the article. “He did.”

“I’ll find him,” Jared promised. “He’ll understand, Jeff. You’ll see.”

Jeff watched Jared hurry off into the cold and hoped that he was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry to leave you all on a cliff-hanger with how slow I am to update, but I think this is the natural break in the story. At least this is a fairly long chunk of story?
> 
> You can expect a plot twist about Jeff's past that you hopefully won't see coming from miles away.


	3. Nature Resolved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The secret of the bench is revealed, and Jensen grows more comfortable with himself and makes a decision.

The afternoon light was quickly fading, taking with it whatever warmth had gathered during the day as Jared hurried along the path they took on their walks with Jeff. He hoped Jensen had taken shelter in the hiding spot by the creek.

When he reached the location, Jared ducked inside, but the cave was dark.

“Jensen?” he called out. “Are you here? It’s me, Jared.”

“Jared?” Jared sighed in relief at the sound of Jensen’s voice. “W-what are you doing h-here?” Jensen asked through chattering teeth.

“Looking for you, of course,” Jared replied as he fished around in the dark for the stashed flashlight. “You ran off without your coat. We were worried.”

Jensen scoffed. “J-Jeff doesn’t really c-care. I f-found a b-breeding bench in the attic.”

Jared finally found the flashlight and switched it on to see a shivering Jensen huddled in the very back of the cave. “I know.”

 _“What?”_ Jensen shied away from him, pressing back into the damp rock wall as much as he was able. “I thought I was safe here--I thought you were my friend!”

“I _am_ ,” Jared insisted. “There’s a reason the bench is in the house, and it’s not what you’re thinking. Jeff would never do that to anyone against their will, and especially not after what happened to you at the center.”

Jensen looked away, cheeks flushing. “Jeff t-told you about that?”

“Jeff told me before you came to stay with us. He made me a promise that he would always tell me the truth, and he’s kept that promise, even when he knew the truth was something I probably wouldn’t want to hear. That’s how I know about the bench.”

“What r-reason could there possibly be?” Jensen accused.

“It’s not my story to tell. I’m not saying the reason is a good one, or that it’ll change anything about how you feel if you hear it, but don’t you think Jeff should get a chance to explain? It’s not right for anyone to assume they know all about you just because you’re a Canid, and it isn’t fair to judge Jeff for the bench without hearing the whole story.”

Jensen seemed to ponder this for a few moments. “I really want to believe that Jeff has a reason,” he finally said. “I’ve really liked staying here with you.” He managed a small smile for Jared, but it faded quickly. “I just don’t think Jeff likes me very much, and I don’t want to go where I’m not wanted. Not anymore.”

 _“What?”_ Jared was shocked by the statement, hands reflexively clenching in the fabric of the coat he was still holding, belatedly reminding him he’d brought the article for his friend. 

The coat was cold, so Jared shrugged off his own outer garment and offered it to Jensen, who gratefully snuggled into the residual body heat. Jared slipped on Jensen’s coat in place of his own. Jensen’s shoulders were broad enough that the coat fit, even if the sleeves were a little short and it didn’t hang as far down his torso as his own did. He sat down next to Jensen, and scooted close. When Jensen didn’t flinch away, he leaned up against the colder man, sharing heat directly.

“Jensen, why do you think Jeff doesn’t like you?”

Jensen shook his head and refused to answer, turning his face away from Jared.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Jared told him with an apologetic shoulder nudge. “I just asked ‘cause I’m pretty sure Jeff likes you a lot. I actually asked him if you could come live with us, you know, forever, and he said he was going to talk to Dr. Smith about it.”

Jensen still looked skeptical. “I don’t think he really wants me to stay. He’s afraid I’m going to hurt you.”

Jared couldn’t help but laugh out loud at the ridiculousness of that idea. “How? You’re the last person I can think of who would ever want to hurt anybody.”

Jensen finally turned his face back to look Jared right in the eyes. Pressed together as they were, their faces were only a few inches apart. Jensen licked his lips, and Jared couldn’t help but watch the movement of his tongue before meeting his eyes again.

“I told Jeff that I had...thoughts about you, about doing things with you. Intimate things,” Jensen whispered softly, like a confession. “He said I should be careful because if we weren’t ready, we’d get hurt.”

“ ‘We,’ Jensen. You said ‘we.’ That means he was worried about you, too. He doesn’t think you’re bad, or that you would do anything on purpose.”

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Jensen said earnestly. “I don’t want to make things weird between us. Just because I feel this way doesn’t mean you have to do anything.”

“Jensen,” Jared cut off his rambling and cupped Jensen’s face with one hand. “I know. Even at the mill, nobody could make me do anything I didn’t want to do, not that they didn’t try. I know I don’t _have_ to, but maybe I want to.”

Jared watched Jensen’s expression closely for any signs of fear or discomfort as he leaned forward to press his lips to Jensen’s in a soft, chaste kiss. They froze that way for a few, long moments, breathing the same air and staring into each other’s eyes before Jensen pulled back.

Jared glanced around the chilly cave. “I know I said I wanted to camp out here someday, but I didn’t mean in the middle of the winter. Come back to the house with me, Jensen. I promise Jeff’s not mad, but I’m sure he’s worried. If it’ll make you feel better about it, I’ll stay with you the whole time. We don’t have to do anything, just be together like we are right now, only warmer.”

“I’ll go back with you,” Jensen agreed after another long pause, “but can we wait just a little longer?” He found Jared’s hand between them with his own and entwined their fingers, hands palm to palm. “Maybe he’s not really mad about me running, but he probably won’t be too happy about _this,”_ he said, giving Jared’s hand a firm squeeze. “I know it’s selfish, but I want to be just us for a while. Is that okay?”

Jared squeezed back in silent agreement.

###

The door had scarcely swung shut behind Jared before Jeff had his phone in hand and was dialing Sam’s number. He hoped Jensen was really all right because he wasn’t sure he’d be able to forgive himself if he wasn’t. What would he even say to Sam when she answered?

“Jeff?” Her voice came across the line. “This is a surprise, but I was just thinking about calling you.”

“You were?”

“I have big news! Though you called first, so it can wait.”

Jeff heard the excitement in her tone, and cursing himself for a coward, he said, “No, go ahead.”

“You know how I’ve been trying to find work at another facility? Well, the head of the Canid branch of the Department of Health and Human Services actually _came to me._ What happened at Warm Embrace has shined a light on how dysfunctional the current system is, and he had a whole file of reports I submitted over the years about problems and a copy of that paper we co-wrote about individualized therapy for Canids.” She paused for a long moment, and Jeff wasn’t sure if it was just for air, to build suspense, or perhaps a bit of both. “They’re going to give me funding for my own center, Jeff! I’ll be able to run it the way I’ve always wanted.”

“That’s amazing,” Jeff told her sincerely. “I know it’s been your dream to change the system from the beginning, so I’m glad you’ll be getting your chance.”

“There is a downside, though,” she added.

“Oh?”

“The facility they’ve given me is an abandoned convalescent center, and it’s going to need a lot of work before it’s in any shape to house patients, and I’ll want to vet all of the staff personally, of course. I hate to further impose on you after all you’ve done for Jensen already, but could he stay with you a few more months?”

“Um...” Jeff felt like the lowest of the low at the moment. He knew he ought to be saying something, but he just couldn’t make his mouth form the appropriate words.

“I can try and find other arrangements if necessary,” she hurried to reassure him. The thought of Jensen being pulled away from himself and Jared kicked his powers of speech back into gear.

“We love having Jensen here. It’s not a burden at all.”

“But?” Sam had picked up on the fact that all was not well. “What were you calling about? Is Jensen okay?”

“I hope so,” he blurted and then wished he’d said nothing at all.

“What does that mean?” 

Jeff slumped down in the nearest chair and sighed. “I messed up, Sam,” he confessed. “It may not matter whether I want Jensen to stay. _He_ may want to leave.”

“I think you’d better start at the beginning,” she prompted gently, “because I’m very confused. I thought things were going well?”

“Well, Jensen has been making a lot of progress. We signed him up for a class through the local community college, and he’s been doing really well in that. He’s starting to open up more in our sessions, too. He’s started asking questions of his own, even.”

“But?” she asked again.

“He and Jared...” he trailed off, trying to find the right words.

“I thought they were friends? Did they have an argument?”

“No, kind of the opposite. They’ve been becoming very close, and then Jensen asked about sex, and my knee-jerk reaction was to tell him that was a bad idea-”

“Whoa,” Sam interrupted his word deluge, “let me stop you for a minute. Jensen asked about sex? That’s a big deal, Jeff.”

“I know,” Jeff lamented, “and I’m pretty sure I handled it in the worst possible way.”

“What exactly did he ask?”

“He wanted to know if Canids ever have sex when one of them isn’t actively in heat.”

“And you told him yes, right?”

“Yes, but then I wanted to know if he’d asked because because he was attracted to Jared. I’m pretty sure it’s mutual, but I’m worried neither one of them is ready for that step, so I basically told him it was a terrible idea because they might get hurt.” Jeff had hoped the confession would make him feel better about the situation. It didn’t.

“Oh, Jeff,” Sam said with a sigh. She only sounded a little disappointed, which was a surprise. “I know Jared’s become like a son to you, but there’s only so much you can control. Is that the problem? Has Jensen closed himself off again?”

“I think I may have given him the impression that I don’t like him, and I swear I’ll work it out with him if I can, but I don’t think what happened today was about that.” Before Sam could prompt him to continue again, Jeff took a deep breath and decided to just come out with it. “He found the breeding bench in the attic.”

“Oh no!” Sam lamented. “I can’t believe you still have that thing, Jeff!”

“I honestly forgot it was even there, Sam--you know how I am, how I hold on to things. Hell, half of my mother’s clothes are still hanging in her old closet.”

“What happened after he found the bench?”

“He ran away. Jared’s gone after him, and I’m sure he’ll find him, but I can’t see how I can possibly get Jensen to trust me again, if he ever did.”

“You need to tell him everything, Jeff. Jensen is smart and very empathetic. I think he’ll understand, and if he doesn’t, well, like I said, we can make other arrangements if we must.”

Jeff promised to alert Sam as soon as there was anything to report before he hung up. He sat in a kitchen chair, facing the back door through which Jensen had fled, and waited.

He didn’t remember falling asleep, but he must have because he was startled awake by the sound of the door opening. Jared peeked inside, and Jeff was about to ask if he’d found Jensen when heard the other Canid’s voice from behind Jared.

“What’s the matter? Why aren’t you going inside?”

“Just a minute,” Jared reassured him and gave Jeff a pleading look. 

The older man nodded his understanding and retreated to his office so Jared could lead Jensen through the kitchen without having to confront him, yet. He followed their movements by the sound of their footsteps, up the stairs and into Jensen’s room. He didn’t hear Jared leave again, but they could talk about it in the morning. He rattled off a quick text to Sam and went to bed.

###

Jensen was surprised to feel a sense of relief when he was standing in his room at the house again. Jeff and Jared’s home had truly come to feel like it was his, too.

He heard Jared turning toward the door and reached out to frantically grab his hand.

“Where are you going?” he asked. “You told me you’d stay.”

Jared suddenly looked sheepish. “You still want that?” Jensen nodded adamantly. “Let me go grab some pajamas, okay? You can change into some of your own, and I’ll be back before you know it.”

Jensen glanced down at their pants, which were damp around the cuffs from walking through the snow, but he didn’t let go. “I know it’s stupid,” he began to explain, “but I really do feel a lot safer with you here. I know you said it’ll only be a few minutes...”

“It’s not stupid.” Jared moved back closer to Jensen. “I understand. Maybe you have something in here I can wear?”

They found a pair of sweatpants that were long on Jensen’s legs and only a little short on Jared’s and a large tee-shirt that would work for the time being. Now warm and dry, they huddled together on Jensen’s mattress.

“I don’t know if I can sleep,” Jensen confessed.

“You should try distracting your brain with something,” Jared suggested. “When I’m trying to fall asleep, I run through the rosters of my favorite sports teams. I never seem to get very far before I’m suddenly waking up in the morning.”

“I don’t really know any sports teams.”

“I’ll list some for you,” Jared offered. He started to rattle off a list of names that meant absolutely nothing to Jensen, but the steady cadence of Jared’s voice lulled him to rest eventually.

Jensen startled awake when he heard the doorknob turning. Jared was still fast asleep next to him, one arm and leg draped over him protectively. He tried not to panic and wake the other man as Jeff peered into the room.

“I’m glad you’re safe, Jensen,” Jeff told him softly, never coming any further into the room. “You don’t have to get up just yet, since we all had a late night, but there will be breakfast ready in the kitchen soon. We need to have a talk.”

Jensen tensed. “Like a session?” It didn’t sound terribly appealing to him at the moment, but anything would be better than the disappointed lecture and dismissal he had been imagining with dread.

“No. This would be informal. There are some things I probably should have told you up front, and I’m truly very sorry. I’d like to tell you everything now, if you’ll let me.”

He knew he was stalling, but Jensen couldn’t bring himself to go downstairs with Jeff alone. “We’ll be down after Jared wakes up.”

Jeff nodded, closing the door behind him.

About fifteen minutes later, the smells of the promised breakfast began wafting up from the kitchen, and Jared began to stir.

“Bacon?” he mumbled in Jensen’s ear.

“Jeff is making breakfast. He wants to talk.”

Jared rolled away slightly so that he could prop himself up on one elbow and make eye contact with Jensen. “Talking is good. I take it he poked his head in to check on us?” Jensen nodded, gnawing his lower lip nervously. “Did he look mad?”

“No.” Jared’s stomach growled loudly, and Jensen couldn’t hold back a chuckle when his own echoed the sentiment a little more softly. “I guess I may as well face the music. At least there’ll be food.”

He sent Jared off to his own room to get dressed, blindly throwing together a random outfit of his own. They walked down the stairs and into the kitchen together. Jeff was already seated at the table with a mug of coffee and the newspaper.

They fixed themselves plates and sat down. Jeff let them finish eating before he folded the paper and cleared his throat pointedly.

“I would like to apologize to you both.” 

That wasn’t the opener Jensen had been expecting at all, and neither had Jared, apparently.

“Both of us?” Jared asked.

Jeff simply nodded and continued. It seemed he’d thought about this a great deal. “I got so caught up in my role as a guardian that I didn’t realize I was doing the very thing I hate most about the current system. I started making your choices for you when I should have been letting you decide what to do.

“Mistakes are a part of life, and our good and bad decisions help us to grow. Whether I think something you want is a bad choice doesn’t really matter because it’s not my call to make, and any consequences are not mine to bear. Time is the only thing that will tell whether a choice was right or wrong, and almost none of them are entirely one or the other.

“I don’t want either one of you to be afraid to try to find happiness in life, and I don’t want to hold you back by projecting my own worries onto you. I will always be here if you want to talk about anything, and I’ll give my opinion if you want it, but know that I never want to force you to agree with me.”

The silence after Jeff finished speaking was heavy but not uncomfortable.

“I would like to apologize to both of you, too,” Jensen quietly offered after a few moments of thought. “I never stopped to think about how either of you would feel, or what I was going to do next, or _anything_ really. My first instinct was to run, and that’s what I did. I’ll try not to do it again.”

“I hope you’ll never have a reason,” Jeff agreed solemnly.

“I think I’m going to go watch a movie,” Jared announced, standing and turning toward the living room. Jensen grabbed the back of his shirt, but Jared gently pried the other Canid’s fingers open. “I don’t think I need to be in here for the next part, and I’m just in the other room if you need me, okay?”

Jensen took a deep breath, released it shakily, and nodded. 

“I guess Jared _has_ heard everything I’m about to tell you already,” Jeff offered into the void left by Jared’s abrupt departure.

Jensen politely waited for Jeff to begin his story. Part of him wanted to insist that Jeff didn’t have to tell him anything if he didn’t want, but he was tired of feeling like he was in the dark while everyone else had all the facts.

Jeff took a few moments to decide where to start.

“Most people who get into Canid rehabilitation do so for a personal reason. I don’t suppose Dr. Smith ever told you hers?” When Jensen shook his head, Jeff continued, “Well, that’s not really my story to share.” He quirked an eyebrow when Jensen snorted.

“Sorry,” Jensen apologized sheepishly, “it’s just that everybody seems to be saying that lately. Nobody ever asked me if I wanted _my_ story shared.”

“That’s true,” Jeff agreed. “Dr. Smith decided that sharing your story with me would be helpful to your treatment, and you weren’t in much of a state to share it yourself. I told Jared because-”

“He told me about your promise,” Jensen interrupted. “I understand--I do. I guess I’m just fed up with being the only one who doesn’t seem to know what’s going on or what’s _best_ for me.”

“Would you like me to make you the same promise?” It was a genuine offer, Jensen could tell. It eased a lot of his worries that Jeff really was making a major effort to start them off on a new footing.

“No,” he finally decided.

“Ignorance is bliss?” Jeff asked with a quirked brow.

Jensen shook his head. “Not ignorance. I just think that maybe it’s okay to not always share everything. I don’t plan to keep any major secrets, but I would like to be able to decide not to give away a few things, at least maybe not right away.”

Jeff nodded his understanding.

“Well, we seem to have gotten a bit off topic,” Jeff began again. “I went into work with Canids primarily because of my mother and some experiences in my childhood.”

“The bench belonged to her?” Jensen asked warily.

“Yes, it did, but not for the reason you’re probably thinking.” Jeff had to pause to consider his next words, and Jensen leaned forward in his seat. There was a tension in the room that felt momentous.

“Jensen, your parents were surprised by your status because it was a sudden mutation, which is very rare. I’m not saying that justifies the way you were treated _at all_ , but it was completely unexpected. 

“There’s an equally--maybe even more--rare possibility. Two Canids with human ancestry will occasionally have non-Canid offspring.” Jeff looked at him pointedly.

Jensen took a moment to process the implications of that. What must it be like for someone everybody expected to be a Canid but wasn’t? His eyes widened when he realized what Jeff was trying to tell him.

“Jeff,” he asked, voice shaky, “was your mother a Canid?”

###

Jeff relaxed back into his seat now that the proverbial cat was finally out of the bag. This had always been difficult for him to talk about, so he was glad that Jensen was bright enough to put all the pieces together from his vague clues.

“It’s very common for Canids to be in the bloodlines of families in this area.” It was easier to continue the story now, and Jensen was still listening with rapt attention. “There wasn’t really any stigma. In fact, the way families treated and provided for their Canid members was a point of standing. It was expected that the very best you could afford would be provided.”

Jeff took a moment to think about that blasted bench. He didn’t know whether Jensen had gotten a good look at it, but he suspected not. It had never been used. In fact, Jeff wasn’t even certain it was actually functional.

Grandpa and Grandma Morgan had been fairly well-to-do, and when their only daughter was born Canid, they took it in stride to provide her with the fanciest of everything. She had collars made with precious metals and expensive fabrics, and when she reached child-bearing age, they purchased a bench for her that followed the same pattern.

“My grandparents bought the bench for my mother. I think they had some kind of ideas about fixing her up with some other wealthy Canid when she mentioned wanting a child, and I think they thought it would make a good impression.

“I don’t know whether it did or not because my mother snuck off to spend her heat with some mystery Canid that she refused to ever name, which means he was probably working class. She thought the bench was silly, and she actually used to keep it in the living room as a conversation piece.”

“Really?” Jensen seemed awed. “It sounds like your grandparents weren’t very strict.”

“Oh, I think they tried to be,” Jeff answered with a chuckle, “but my mother was very independent. She never really cared what anyone else thought of her.”

“So, you started working with Canids for her?”

“Partly, but also partly for me.” Jeff couldn’t hold back a chuckle at the absolutely confused expression on Jensen’s face. “Jensen, nobody knew I wasn’t a Canid until I was almost ten years old.”

“How is that possible?” Jensen asked. “Did someone lie? Why would they lie about that?” 

Jensen’s parents had lied the other way because they thought having a Canid son was shameful. It really didn’t make sense that someone would lie about a person being a Canid. Society was trying, but it was clear they had a long way to go before Canids were treated even close to equally.

“No, Jensen, nobody lied about me. At the time, genetic testing at birth was voluntary, and since my mother wouldn’t give any details about how long she’d been pregnant and managed to hide it until near the end, everyone assumed I was an overdue Canid when really I was somewhat premature.

“I was treated like a Canid child and placed in Canid classes in school. I was frequently in trouble for ‘behavioral issues.’ I didn’t act like all the other young Canids, and I didn’t take direction as smoothly as was expected. I think it was mostly written off as me taking after my mother. Then one day, the school hired a new counselor, and he suggested that they run a blood test.

“Suddenly, everyone looked at me differently. The Canid children avoided me like the bullies who teased them, and the other children acted like there must be something wrong with me. My teachers treated me as though I must have trouble understanding my coursework, even though the Canid classes weren’t that different at my age level. People on the street stared at me and talked about me as though I couldn’t hear. The only one who treated me just the same as ever was my mother.

“I asked her why once. She said, ‘Why should I treat you any differently? You’re still my Jeffrey.’ I’ve never forgotten that. _Who_ I was meant more than _what_ I was. It’s always been my goal to treat others the same way. Sometimes I’m just not very good at it.

“While I was away at college, my grandparents and my mother were all killed in a car accident. They left this ranch and everything in the house to me. My mother’s things remind me of her, and though I should get rid of them, I can’t seem to make myself. I moved that bench up to the attic years ago and forgot it was even there.”

Jeff watched Jensen’s expression shift as he contemplated the story he had just been told.

“You know what it’s like to be a Canid better than most people who aren’t,” Jensen finally stated.

“I try,” Jeff agreed, “but everybody is different, and the world is always changing. We’ve been treating all Canids like the worst-case scenario of emotional instability, but the truth is that many of you are stronger than we give you credit for. Can you do something for me, Jensen?”

The Canid looked alarmed for a moment before he put back up his impassive front. “What?” he asked hesitantly.

“If I start to act like I’ve forgotten that you should have a say in your own life, please remind me of what my mother said?”

Jensen let out a low scoff, but the corners of his mouth turned up into a small smile. “Of course.”

###

Things remained a bit tense for a few days, but they soon fell back into a routine that if not exactly like things were before was at least close. Jensen aced his class, and Jeff made a point of congratulating him in their next session. It felt good, Jensen thought, to have tangible evidence that he had accomplished something.

“Have you thought about taking the next level class?” Jeff asked.

“If it’s all right with you, could I maybe take a different class?”

“What did you have in mind?”

“I’d like to take a creative writing class.” Before Jeff could interrupt with any questions he might have, Jensen launched into an explanation he’d been practicing. “You know I like to read, but not very many books have Canid characters, and when they do, they’re either in the background or they’re written by someone who isn’t a Canid, and even though they may try, the authors just don’t really _understand_.

“I want to be able to write stories where a Canid can be the main character and do important things. I’m not ashamed of who I am anymore, and I want other people to be able to read about a Canid character who isn’t, either.”

Jeff was quiet for a few long moments, and Jensen was beginning to think his idea had been a terrible one when Jeff finally smiled.

“I think that’s a great idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much everyone who has been patiently waiting for this! I'm working on the last part of the story and hope to have it ready much sooner than this last one. Honest.


	4. Nature's Course

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen writes the stories he's always wanted and takes some other major steps, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading this and a thousand apologies for my slow, slow, slowness!
> 
> This chapter is fairly short and I'm not entirely pleased with the ending, but I have finished, so huzzah!
> 
> As always, let me know if you think I ought to add any tags.

Jensen was very excited about the writing class, and Jeff was glad to see he was taking it very seriously. It was good for Jensen to have a creative outlet.

Jared was an enthusiastic sounding board for Jensen’s plot ideas, and Jeff was always willing to provide him with input as well.

As part of the course, each student in the class was to post short stories to an online message board where all the other students could read them and provide feedback. Jensen had fretted to Jeff in their last session before he was due to post his first story that he was afraid it was bad and that no one would enjoy it.

“I read it, Jensen, and I thought it was very well-written,” Jeff had encouraged him. “Even if some of the other students don’t like it, that shouldn’t discourage you.”

“I know,” Jensen had agreed with a sigh, “but another student posted a story last week that I thought was great, but some of the others were really harsh critics. I know I can’t please everyone, but what if it pleases nobody at all?”

“There’s really only one way to know. Post it and see.”

Jensen had been antsy all day, waiting for the computer time Jeff had allotted him to check on his story. As he read the comments, his excited expression morphed to a frown and finally landed on something sad and disheartened.

Jeff walked up behind him, careful to be loud enough that he wouldn’t startle his Canid ward.

“What’s wrong? Did someone really hate the story?”

“Sort of?” Jensen expelled a frustrated huff of air. “No one had any comment on the mechanics of it, and most of them thought the plot was interesting, but one of them said it would have been a lot better if the main character wasn’t a Canid, and pretty much everybody else agreed.”

“Not everyone is a Canid rights supporter,” Jeff reminded him gently.

“It’s just the _way_ he said it,” Jensen lamented. “He said the main character was ‘too smart’ to be a Canid, and that it was ‘unrealistic’ for a Canid to be able to do all the things that happen, and he couldn’t really enjoy it because it was too much of a stretch. It’s _fiction_ , for crying out loud! It doesn’t _have_ to be realistic.”

“What did your professor have to say?”

“He always sends his feedback privately, and he won’t send out grades until everyone has posted their first story.”

“Do the other students know you’re a Canid?”

Jensen shook his head sadly. “The professor said it was up to me if I wanted them to know, and I was hoping to avoid bias in the comments by not saying anything. So much for _that_ idea, huh?”

Jeff was momentarily at a loss for any words of comfort.

“You know, you did say you were mostly writing for yourself, right? I’m sure there are others who would be willing to read what you’ve written and enjoy it; they just aren’t in the small audience of your class. You could try posting it online?”

“Not this story,” Jensen disagreed with a determined frown. “I’ll write something else. I just don’t know what it is, yet.”

###

Jensen told Jared about the response to his story later as they snuggled on the couch together while a movie played on television.

“That’s stupid!” Jared was righteously indignant on Jensen’s behalf. “Of course Canids can be smart! You’re brilliant, Jensen. You thought up the whole thing, and those idiots will never know a Canid writes better than them.”

“Some of them are really good writers, too,” Jensen argued, but it gave him a warm feeling to know Jared was so willing to defend him, and compliments were always nice. “I think they were right, in a way. I want my Canid characters to be relatable enough that even people who’ve never tried to empathize before can understand. I want to be able to bridge that gap, but it’s hard to do.”

“I wish everyone could see you the way Jeff and I do,” Jared reassured him. “You’re like a superhero with a secret identity. Everybody else just sees a Canid, but you’re really a super smart and amazing guy under the label.”

“That’s it!” Jensen grinned. “I can write a character that seems to be a regular Canid because everyone underestimates them, but really they can do so much more.”

###

It ended up being a series of mystery stories that he called “Questions Unasked”. The main character was a Canid who lived with a private investigator with whom the police often consulted, much like Sherlock Holmes.

The investigator was good at his job, but each story had an aspect of something small or subtle overlooked, and the Canid character was the one to spot the clues, even if his human friend got the credit in the end.

The stories shed light on how Canids were often shoved into the background without thought without being preachy about it. Many of the insights into the cases came from the Canid main character talking to other Canids that were never even interviewed by the police or by searching in places it was not unusual for a Canid to be but that the humans never thought about looking, like Canid quarters in a home.

A second Canid lived with the main character and the investigator, and there was a romantic subplot, but it was low key and very platonic, never drawing attention away from the case file nature of the stories.

It was clear who inspired all the main characters, but Jeff and Jared loved them, and Jeff offered to fund a limited publication through an independent publisher. Jensen was reluctant at first, but finally agreed.

The book sold out in only a few days, prompting a larger second printing. It gained a cult following among Canids and those sympathetic to Canid issues.

Some critics claimed the stories were “too harsh” against non-supporters of Canid rights and argued that if the author were really a Canid, as the book purported, that his guardian must have done most of the actual work. Jensen never had to lift a finger in own defense, however, because the fans of the books rose to his defense every time. Most critics enjoyed the book, and were perfectly willing to say so. It was amazing.

Jensen began writing a second book of stories called “Answers Unseen”.

Many of the fans had questioned whether the romantic relationship would ever move on to be a bigger part of the story and whether there might ever be a “sex scene” in the next book. Jensen had always argued that if anything ever happened between the characters that such a thing would be private, but mostly he was afraid he couldn’t do such a scene justice, as he had yet to experience romantic intimacy himself.

He and Jared were going slow. It felt wrong to do anything with Jeff just down the hall, and even though Jensen knew Jared would never hurt him, he was still afraid of taking things all the way.

Months went by, and Jensen was happier than he had ever been.

Then one afternoon, as he and Jared were snuggling as usual, he felt himself begin to leak slick, and he’d run from a confused Jared to seek out Jeff.

“You have to lock me up!” he practically shouted. “I think I’m going into heat!”

“Take a breath,” Jeff encouraged. “Are you running a fever? Do you have any cramping or other symptoms?”

“I’m producing slick,” Jensen told him solemnly. “That only ever happens when I’m in heat.”

“Are you certain you weren’t just...aroused?” Jeff asked awkwardly.

Jensen frowned. “Jared and I were only cuddling. We weren’t doing anything dirty.”

Jeff chuckled. “Jensen, you don’t have to be doing anything explicit to feel arousal. If you’re worried, I can look into getting some suppressants for you, but if you really are in pre-heat, it may be too late to stop it completely. I’m sorry to say I haven’t been paying attention to the calendar as closely as I probably should have.”

“It’s okay,” Jensen brushed off the apology. “I never had any suppressants before. I’ll be all right.”

Jensen locked himself away in his room, despite Jeff and Jared both insisting the isolation was unnecessary. Jared insisted upon delivering his meals to his door as a reassurance to both Jensen and himself that he could control himself around Jensen during a heat.

It was a long and miserable week for them all.

###

“Jensen?” Jared called out softly from outside the door to Jensen’s room. “Are you awake?” The heat scent had dissipated, and Jared couldn’t stand to be away from Jensen any longer.

“You can come in,” Jensen invited in a raspy voice.

When Jared entered the room, the other Canid looked exhausted. Jared fetched him a glass of water.

“Don’t look so worried,” Jensen tried to reassure him. “I’ve had worse ones that this.”

“You shouldn’t have to suffer through them like that.” Jared cupped Jensen’s cheek. “You know I would be willing to help you through it, right? We wouldn’t have to have penetrative sex, or if we did we could use a condom, if you’re worried about pups...”

“That’s not it,” Jensen told him with a small smile. “I’d love to spend a heat with you another time, but I want our first time to be when we’re both in control. I want us both to want it without any outside influence, you know?”

Jared smiled back and pulled Jensen into a hug. “I want that too, and I’ll wait as long as you want.”

They waited until Jeff had to take a short trip out of town a few weeks later. They weren’t exactly subtle, so he probably knew what they were planning, but they were too excited to care.

###

As they began undressing, Jared shyly asked, “Do you want the lights on or off?”

They had never really been totally naked in front of one another, and that was intimidating, but Jensen knew what he wanted. “Leave them on, please. I want to be able to see you the whole time. I want to see your face.”

Jared didn’t protest.

When they were both bare, they took a few moments to just look. Jensen had obviously seen a penis before--he had one, after all--but Jared’s was different in subtle ways. He could see at the base where the knot would fully swell eventually, and he dragged his gaze away to the more familiar planes of Jared’s chest and the face he loved so much.

Jared self-consciously dropped his hands to cover himself. “Are you okay?”

“I do want this, Jared,” Jensen insisted. “We can do this.”

Jared chewed his bottom lip and blushed. “What if it’s bad? I mean, I’ve never really done this before, and I want it to be good for you.”

Jensen smiled and closed the gap between them. “Of course it will be good. It’s you.”

They moved over to the bed--Jared’s because that was where they had been stashing their supplies they had covertly purchased on outings with Jeff--and spent a while just kissing and stroking, not much different than what they’d done before fully clothed.

Jensen could feel Jared beginning to harden against his hip and knew he was aroused as well. They had purchased lubricant in case Jensen didn’t produce much on his own, since he hadn’t outside of a heat before, but Jensen could feel the tell-tale dampness and heat of slick making itself known as well.

Jared moved away to kneel between Jensen’s legs and he whimpered. Jared kissed the inside of his right knee. “Are we still good? Do you want me to stop?”

“No,” Jensen reluctantly admitted, “but do you have to be so far away?”

Jared frowned as he considered it. “I guess not, but I might fumble around a little, if I can’t see what I’m doing...”

“I don’t mind. Come back up here and kiss me.”

Jensen loved kissing Jared. There was always a warmth and affection in his eyes that Jensen craved. Now, as one large hand gently sought out Jensen’s hole, the pupils of Jared’s eyes were wide and dark, and Jensen hoped his own eyes showed half the desire he was feeling, too.

The tip of a finger brushed against his opening and Jensen flinched and grimaced. Jared froze, waiting for Jensen to tell him what to do, and Jensen loved him even more for his caution. He felt safe and loved, and it was nothing like what had happened before.

“I think I’m going to use the lube,” Jared told him, drawing the hand back momentarily. “I can feel you’re slick, but better safe than sorry, right?” Jensen nodded.

After applying a large dollop of the lubricant to his hand, Jared returned to kissing him and Jensen twitched again at the feeling of the still cold artificial slick, but he pushed down on the finger instead of shying away again. Jared worked him open so carefully and distracted him so well with his tongue and lips that Jensen hadn’t noticed the number of fingers increasing from one to three.

“Let me grab a condom,” Jared told him before planting a kiss on his lips and moving to sit up.

Jensen stopped him with a hand on his arm and licked his lips nervously. “You don’t have to unless you want to.”

Pregnancy was most likely during a heat, but it had been known to happen outside of one as well. Jensen’s blood tests at his most recent checkup had come back clear of any diseases, and Jared was also clean, so preventing a pregnancy was the only real reason for them to use protection.

Jared blinked down at him. “But I thought you said you never wanted-”

“I never wanted to be bred like an animal,” Jensen corrected him. “That’s not what this is. This is you and me being _us._ If I ever do have pups, I want them to be yours, Jared. I’m not afraid of having pups with you.”

Jared gave him a searing kiss and reached for the condoms anyway. “I’d love to have pups with you, Jensen, but not yet. I don’t think I’m ready.”

“Okay,” Jensen agreed. It was probably better that they wait until Jensen was officially staying forever. He couldn’t imagine having pups anywhere but here at the ranch with Jared and Jeff. They’d waited long enough for tonight, what was waiting a bit longer for the next step?

When Jared entered him there was blunt pressure, stretching, and a bit of a burn, but Jensen would not call it painful, and it was lightyears away from the brutality of his assault at the center. He was staring into Jared’s eyes the whole time, and he would remember his lover’s expression forever.

After a while, part of Jensen thrummed with a want for Jared to move faster, but he was also enjoying the slow, steady pace Jared had adopted. He could feel a pressure building low in his belly and he tried not to claw at Jared’s back as his hips began to buck out of his control.

“Jared-” he began, but then had no idea what he was trying to say or perhaps ask.

Jared took his mouth again in a sloppy press of lips and finally began to move with a rhythm that matched the desperation of Jensen’s own, if not precisely the tempo. Finally, after a few moments that felt like hours, Jared stilled above him as his knot swelled and locked them together, and his head slipped to the side so he could whisper, “I love you,” softly in Jensen’s ear.

Jensen’s world exploded, and he may have blacked out for a moment. When he came back to himself, Jared had moved them onto their sides so as no to squash him.

He pressed his lips to Jared’s shoulder. “Thank you,” he mumbled into the sweaty skin.

“We’re definitely doing that again,” Jared vowed with a dopey grin.

###

The second book was just as beloved as the first had been, and fans were immediately clamoring for another, but Jensen was on sabbatical from writing for a while because a little over a year after he had first met Jared, they had spent a heat together, and Jensen was expecting a litter.

He promised to return to writing eventually, but for now, his priorities had shifted to family.

###

Dr. Samantha Smith didn’t even need the radio to keep her alert on her drive to Jeff’s ranch. She had been excited as she could ever recall since Jeff had called to inform her that Jensen had gone into labor and wanted her there.

She parked haphazardly and didn’t bother taking her bag from the trunk, letting herself in the front door and hurrying up the stairs.

“I haven’t missed anything yet, have I?” she asked breathlessly upon entering the room.

“No, not yet,” Jeff informed her from his spot in a chair along one wall.

Jensen smiled at her from his spot in a blanket nest on the mattress on the floor, leaning back against Jared’s chest where he sat behind him. “The babies are taking their time.” He ran both hands over his large belly, joined shortly by Jared’s hands as well.

“May I touch?” she asked eagerly, kneeling at the edge of the mattress. Jensen nodded and pulled her hand forward to a spot high on his right.

“There was a little girl here on the last ultrasound,” Jensen told her. “If it’s okay with you, I’d like to name her after you.”

“Thank you,” Dr. Smith gushed, tears springing to her eyes. “I would be honored.”

“One of the others is probably either a boy or a carrier, and the doctor wasn’t sure on the other two,” Jared declared proudly. “They’re all healthy, and that’s what matters most.”

“We want to name the first born after Jeff,” Jensen added.

“You don’t have to do that,” Jeff argued with a chuckle. “What if it’s another girl? That’s just mean...”

“We told you,” Jared said with a roll of his eyes, “we’ll go with Freya then.”

The playful conversation continued and Sam felt tears welling again. Jensen had come so far. She was proud of the man he had become, and his obvious happiness meant the world to her.

Her new center was opening in a few short weeks, but Jensen would always hold a special place in her heart. The loss of her brother still ached, but the pain was dulled by the joy of welcoming new family.


End file.
